Happily Ever After?
by Kairi21
Summary: So what’s a prince to do when his princess would rather take over the world than live happily ever after? This is why East Heaven Kingdom is not your average fairy tale “in a land far, far away”.


Disclaimer: Names of characters in novels, movies and any anime series mentioned in this story were altered to avoid copyright infringement. Threads of Fate/Dewprism belongs to it's creators at Squenix, formerly known as Square Soft.

Teaser: "Go find another friggin' princess to save. I can't stand it here anymore! I'm hittin' the road." She called back and threw her strawberry locks over her shoulder.

As if someone had hit the play button once more, the sky continued it's angry tirade and the winds carried the princess' voice over to where the two enemies stood in shock as all things canon flew out the window.

"WOLRD DOMINATION BABY!

Title: **Happily Ever After?**

***********

Once upon a time in a kingdom far away, there lived a great king and his wife. The King was "great" not in his reign rather, in his size for you see, he had failed to resist the siren calls of the feasts the Royal Cook had prepared over the years.

As for the Queen, well, no one really ever heard much about her so to settle that little curiosity, people simply assumed that she had passed on to the after life. Ah death, every plot writer's favorite tool.

_But enough about them. _

This story is neither about the mysteriously missing Queen nor the overweight problems of the jolly King. It is, in fact, about their offspring.

The King and Queen of this kingdom, the Kingdom of East Heaven, had two lovely daughters – two fair princesses.

_Well, perhaps not as fair as princesses really ought to be._

The elder was a rambunctious, ill-tempered spirit and the younger was a manipulative, scheming snake. The names they were christened with were Mint and Maya – the two heirs to the East Heaven Kingdom's throne.

And what a pair of heirs they did make. One was deemed unfit to rule due to lack of etiquette while the other was favored due to ignorance of her true nature.

_Of course, this was not the root of the problem._

Not at all. Fortunately for the East Heaven Kingdom, their ancestors have come up with a formula of reign inheritance which has established the standards for all King and Queen wannabees for centuries. It was called the fairy tale.

_That's what this is._

Naturally, Mint was the lucky one to go first as all elder siblings tend to be the lab rats and hamsters for all n00b parents and single parents, in this case. The eve of her sixteenth birthday marked the dawn of an oncoming reign in the Kingdom, at least, as far as heritage was concerned.

So, as per tradition, the princess' possessions were packed and moved to the old tower on the west wing of the castle. That isn't to say the princess was willing at all to transfer. "Special arrangements" had to be made to ensure the comfortable accommodations for her highness in her new living quarters.

_And thanks to the quick thinking of the council advisors, unnecessary bloodshed was avoided._

One day, a fearsome dragon had chosen the tower to be his to guard, as most dragons are inexplicably territorial of old pointy structures, much like dogs are attracted to fire hydrants. Wylaf was his name.

Ah but such a peculiar dragon this one was. He was one of the "ancients ones" that could speak the tongue of the two-legged creatures that came to bother him annually with their steel toothpicks and iron fish scales back in his fiery mountainous lair.

_Frankly speaking, the company of the princess wasn't much of an improvement._

Still, he chose to endure the presence of the rude aristocrat in favor of getting away from those annoying little bugs in armor back home. He was just too damn old for all that roughhousing anymore, and knights rarely ever came to East Heaven.

Thus, the funny relationship between the "old fart" and the "loud-mouthed witch" began. The overgrown lizard, as Mint called him, spent his days lounging in the forest by the tower. The pesky brat, as Wylaf knew her, bided her time sitting by the tower's only window -

the wind playing with wine red strands loosened from the clasp of the imperial bow keeping her twin tails atop her head, a megalomaniacal grin gracing moist lips – and a chrome black controller held in uncharacteristically calloused hands, playing Threads of Fate II on her brand new Playstation 3 console. Apparently, a book wasn't enough for her.

_Sadly, no one dared tell her that it was an Aeon's [relic] she could use to actually conquer the world in real life. _

And then…

_And then nothing much happened really._

The old dragon, Wylaf, seemed to have hit the mother load. Hardly any peasants on mules passed by the tower he was guarding. Much less any princes on noble steeds.

With the exemption of the passing white-haired boy with a funny green hat and a larger-than-average package –

_strapped to his back. This is a fairy tale, minds out of the gutter if you please._

Wylaf couldn't have been any more content but alas! The same could not be said for the princess.

The ceaseless squalls that began months ago made it almost impossible to play a decent rpg game for more than an hour before the power would be cut off due to the energy fluctuations. Of course, the faulty tower's generator had nothing to do with said power outages.

_Well, for a Playstation 3, the council had to skimp on some expenses after all._

"How the [EXPLETIVE] am I ever gonna get to Mel's Atelier if I couldn't even make it to a save point before those [EXPLETIVE] shortages!?" bemoaned the princess.

A series of unpleasant snorts and grunts accompanying the thunderous orchestra of the enraged heavens was all Mint had in reply. The racket outside seemed to be the dragon's snoring, the princess realized.

"It's all that old fart's fault!" she cried indignantly.

And indeed it was. However, no magic or ancient curse was responsible for the sudden gloomy weather in the kingdom. It was simply a case of climate change. To be specific, Global Warming was to be blamed.

Dragons are notorious sources of carbon emission and the levels of fumes from their breath alone are great contributors to the Greenhouse Effect.

Ah yes, when in doubt, blame Global Warming.

Global Warming was indeed responsible for the sudden weather anomalies in the entire East Heaven region. It is responsible for the recent economic crisis and for the rampant overpopulation problems. It is the reason the author of this story is jobless. Consequently, it's also the reason this story is so messed up.

_But that is not what this line of logic was meant to lead to._

Global Warming may, or may not, be the reason a lone mislead man was drawn to Mint's tower. Clad in a ridiculous wardrobe of white with a pair of pilot goggles perched atop his violet blue tresses, was Duke.

He was neither of noble lineage nor was he among the upper echelons of society. His parents merely wished to bestow upon him the title of a position rather than a true name.

"Fear not m'lady! I've come to rescue you!" the thoroughly soaked individual yelled over the roar of the endless torrents of rain.

Unbeknownst to the unfortunate man, 'his lady' was waiting in a tower in the opposite direction from the kingdom, appropriately named, the West Heaven Kingdom. A much older woman named Belle was the one he sought.

Alas! Duke was too sleepy to realize this as he had pulled an all-nighter reading his latest book: 'Parry Hotter and the Chalice of Water'. So convinced was he that he was an Aeon participating in the tri-Aeon tournament.

Too bad for the old Wylaf, Phantomite was among the items Duke had to obtain to get his most precious thing or person back from the Poppul Purrels of Disneyland.

Too bad for Duke, Wylaf had given his last piece of Phantomite to Lord Luthor, a century and a half ago. Lex needed it to bully Sir Kent.

Too bad for Princess Mint, the ending of Threads of Fate II still did not involve her achieving dominion over the world.

_That and the ruckus being caused outside was doing little to ease her boredom and vexation._

And it was during those dark times that an idea had struck the redhead. The thirst for great power that only ever manifested itself in villains of tales such as this one was, for once, born in the heart of it's hero.

Everyone knows evil is merely the effect of too much boredom after all. The same was true for Right when the death god Luke gave him the Demise Memo.

"That's it! I'll find myself a [relic] more powerful than that dumb book that's superglued to my sister arm. The one she got weeks after I was locked up here." Mint cried whilst shielding her ears from the cacophony outside.

Making haste, the young spitfire gathered all her things from their places on the floor and flung the doors to her disheveled quarters open. The heavy oak doors were not locked as Gramps, the Head Court Adviser, had not anticipated the princess ever wanting to part with her expensive new gaming console.

Her metal tipped adventurer's boots clicked against the cold slabs of granite on the staircase leading to the foot of the structure that held her prisoner. Descent was much less effort compared to climbing the tower, noted the princess as she ran past the limestone walls lined by creepy empty suits of armor covered in cobwebs and dust.

Once she had reached the main hall to the entrance of the tower, a number of potential battle weapons had made themselves known to the upcoming tyrant.

A legendary sword rested in the clasp of the silver suit of armor guarding the heavy steel gates to the gloomy tower and to the left of it's massive doors, a set of choice pistols mounted to plates of bronze glinted on the walls.

"Oooh shiney." Exclaimed the princess as she knelt to the ground to pick up a mysteriously twinkling pair of golden hoops lying amongst a wreck of damp rotting wood.

They were actually the rims of an old broken pail left by one of the palace maids in the tower when she left to elope with the coachman a few days ago.

"These um – Dual Haloes shall be my weapons of pain and destruction!" Mint triumphantly said as she clapped her hands together and danced giddily in excitement and anticipation.

And without skipping a beat, the girl channeled the life force resting within her very core through the conductive metal of her newly found weapons and focused the resulting magical energy on the pesky barrier separating her from the world outside.

The massive explosion blasted the doors right off from their iron hinges and the princess charged through the debris out into the cold night air to the midst of the battling man and beast. The noise increased ten fold as the she was met by frustrated screams and the acrid stench of burnt clothing and human hair.

"Shut the [EXPLETIVE] up!" She screeched.

It might have been a spell she cast over the scene or it could have simply been the awkwardness of the moment.

The man stood, his mouth agape and makeshift wand held limply in his suddenly slack grasp. This young redhead was not at all the Lady Belle he was engaged in heated battle to rescue. His lady was older but she was only thirty – if one rounded down.

The dragon had apparently forgotten about the human with the funny pointed stick and instead focused on the peculiar redheaded female glowering at the both of them.

"I'm sick of your twig!" she told Duke.

"And I'm tired of your snoring!" she then addressed the mythical beast.

And then with a huff and one last stomp on the rain dampened soil, the redhead trudged away, simmering in irritation.

"Go find another friggin' princess to save. I can't stand it here anymore! I'm hittin' the road." She called back and threw her strawberry locks over her shoulder.

As if someone had hit the play button once more, the sky continued it's angry tirade and the winds carried the princess' voice over to where the two enemies stood in shock as all things canon flew out the window.

"WOLRD DOMINATION BABY!" Mint shouted and pumped a halo-bearing fist into the air.

Thus was born a new tale of excitement and adventure - of labor and toil. It was the birth of a new era, where the princess was, for once, not the one in distress but the one causing it.

And for East Heaven Kingdom, the chances of a happily ever after grew even more uncertain.

The End.


End file.
